bff
August 16, 2011, 5:47 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

it is absolutely heartbreaking to lose a friend. especially for someone like me, who would rather stay home than make the trek out into the city to come across anyone i’d want to share a conversation with. i don’t even recognize anyone anymore. when did this happen? i guess it doesn’t help to pinpoint the exact second that things went wrong, but i feel like it’s completely important that i know. i’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out what i could have done differently, or convincing myself that it’s not even something i could have controlled. i mean, i was there. i was there when no one else was and even got over the fact that it went by unnoticed. i am freakishly good at building up walls to prevent others from noticing that i remotely give a shit, and i’ve done another good job on this one.

but i guess i’m ready to let it go. if it means that there’s a chance, i should take it. willingly, right? don’t i want this? and if it all happens again, if i have to rebuild the wall, i’ll do it. and as much as i’ll want to throw stones over in hopes that they will hit her dead in the eye, i won’t. because then it’s just not worth it. right?

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